have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
