Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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