I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
