Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
