Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
