My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
