If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
