They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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