Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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