you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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