i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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