OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
