I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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