i think my tv is drunk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
