my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
