Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
