one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
