Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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