worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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