I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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