i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
