so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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