if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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