Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
