what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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