Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
