I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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