It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
