I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
