I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
