i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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