i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Found your dick twin last night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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