We're facebook friends in real life
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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