fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
