Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
