I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
