My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
