two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
