just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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