Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
