Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
