i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
