Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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