real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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