the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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