You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
