Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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