Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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