how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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