This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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