my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
