Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
