some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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